Self Creep
Music & Lyrics by Adam Pfeffer

I go against the grain
My grain is one long migraine
I go against the grain
My grain is all one migraine

I pinch myself to make sure that I'm not dreaming
Because pain is the only thing that's real
My thoughts wash up on shore, so blissful yet I'm screaming
Submissive to the time I cannot steal

I kick myself sometimes, frustrated by my failures
Numb from pain I find an inner peace
Self medicate, self deprecate, self mutilate, self strangulate
I need an exorcist, I need a good release

I scare myself sometimes with the crazy thoughts that I have
I want to drive a spike right through my brain
I'm my own worst critic, and I'm my own worst enemy
I killed my inner child, and stuffed him down a drain

Self help blurs with self hurt in the caverns of my mind
An infinite abyss, with not a single sign of life
Death the final frontier, I long for it sometimes
Married to the darkness with the reaper as my wife

The population rises, along with the percentage that are lonely
Love dies out when confronted by life's stress
Faith and hope it seems are the spirit's grand illusion
Chaos reigns, look around, the world's a mess

Every newborn child who bares witness to this world
Is company for another's misery
Unloved by the rich, or starved among the poor
Propagation of a species has no sympathy

Like many other people, I work my life away
There is no point, there is no profound meaning
Another underprivileged country is sought to underpay
The soulless eyes of greed are always gleaming

My tolerance for stress is decreasing every day
Burned out and tired, it's time to rest
I repeat myself sometimes because I have nothing left to say
No audience to hear my last performance

I've given all I can, now it's time to take
I'll take my life and leave you with my debt
I know that there are others, much worse off than me
And I'm honestly surprised they're not dead yet

Inbetween my ego and my paranoid delusions
My self confidence drowns in my self doubt
Tearing at my seams I learn to draw my own conclusions
My life can go on living with me out

I'm not looking for a savior
I don't mean to disrespect
I just want you to be happy
Though it's something I don't get

I don't see how I could help you
When I cannot help myself
I don't see how I could save a life
When I lack the mental health

I might be somebody's hero
And just not know it yet
When I don't see how my dim candle
Is an everlasting sunset

I might be somebody's angel
But not know how or why
I sometimes see no point to life
But for you I think I'll try